Have you ever tried to buy a baby?

I think they've tried it on E-Bay and I'm sure it's illegal, even in person. 

But, seriously, if you have enough swings and things- maybe you'll be a good parent.

 No, you will be a GREAT parent.

And then, when they turn ONE year old throw a huge birthday party (that they will not remember) invite everyone you can think of, bring balloons and a big cake. Don't forget the impressive gift.

At about THREE find a really nice daycare. Make sure it is really homey (like home) and it serves nutritious meals.

When you get to FIVE, it's a breeze! Send them to school and "professionals" will take it from there.

Don't forget to sprinkle in lots of extra-curricular (like Dance and Karate) for that well-rounded, college-bound CUTIE!

You can check off the registry item for every stage of their life - but you can't buy that baby. The whispered secret among most parents is that you CAN. Don't believe their silent lies. Don't cower from their disapproving looks.

Love, teach, and protect that baby...

so that she, too, will be free.